My two-year-old is a screamer. Don't get me wrong. She is also very, very sweet. But the few who have seen her in the midst of a storm, know what I'm talking about.
And for those of you who haven't, count your lucky stars.
I don't know if it's because she is our fourth, or if this stems from the colic she had, or our numerous ultrasounds, or the fact that she was induced, or if this is just her personality, but she is a strong, determined little girl. (I've done the "terrible twos" 3 times already and this is beyond that)
She's LOUD. She can hit this high pitched frequency that triggers my LAST nerve like nothing else. I know someday she's going to read this and be all, "Uh, mom. Why did you write this about me? I'm like, the sweetest child ever." (I hope, I hope, I hope...)
We love her, we do, sooo much, but it's been a "learning experience" trying to help her to help herself. Did that make sense?
Oh! It's been a test of patience. It's funny how you can have this "ideal" in your mind and then one person can throw that so far off balance that you have to change your entire way of thinking.
We have tried SO many discipline techniques. Maybe someday I'll post about my feelings on that, but not today.
Suffice it to say, she doesn't respond AT ALL to any type of aggression. (Don't judge--you weren't the one dealing with the huge wet toilet paper mess, high decimal screaming, recently folded clothes strewn about all throughout the house AND marker on the wall. How that happens within the 3 minutes I'm allotted to use the bathroom is a mystery to me.)
My four-year-old,Claire has a really hard time when Anna screams. She has a hard time with ANY loud noises, so it seems to be especially hurtful when Anna yells at her. We all have been working hard to teach Anna to reason with us. She is talking so much more and we've been trying to intervene, before the storm is full blown.
I think it's helping.
The other day Claire had a friend over to play. Anna was playing with them. Claire's friend wanted to play with Anna's doll and change the doll's clothes. Anna started to freak out, and Claire's little friend started to get mad too.
Then Claire stopped her friend and said, "Look, it's complicated," and proceeded to negotiate a deal with Anna that allowed her friend to change the doll's clothes.
I was amazed. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because Claire knew what "complicated" meant. No, seriously, I know I have a ways to go, but I'm so thankful for those little glimpses of the "ideal." They keep me going.
And I thought about how life is complicated. There are times when it is pretty straightforward, but I think it's safe to say that most of us experience some "complications" from time to time.
Thank goodness we all have a negotiator, the Negotiator, we can turn to, otherwise can you imagine how miserable we'd be?
13 comments:
oh, sonja. i feel your pain. although i don't have one child who completely matches anna, i had one with colic (and i pray that the lord will never inflict me with that trial again), one who's a screamer, one who is impossible to discipline and it scares me (that i may never figure out his secret), etc.
thanks for sharing your struggles as well as the glimpse you got of the ideal. how wonderful that claire has learned how to deal with her difficult sister in a way that works. that is a victory!
Wow, sounds like Roxie at this very moment.
~Annie
I have been experiencing some stormy weather over here with my own Main Complicator. Today I am so thankful for prayer and how it comforts. It stills trying behavior, hot tempers, and hurt feelings.
Siblings sometimes can do more for the one than we can as parents in certain situations. Anna is blessed to have the others who can help her. As she gets older her gifts will bless her brother and sisters too.
so you mean I am not the only one dealing with a difficult child!
whewww!
I thought I was alone out here! But seriously I hear your pain--well I could if there wasnt screaming!
No really. The way your daughter "negociated" is hilarious but so true. What happened to kids obeying? When did we start to have negotianting everythign??? We read the a book that used a basket approach. It worked but I constantly felt like I was doinng the wrong thing by trying to get my child to obey-- I was raised to obey cuz I said so!
I'm astonished at the cognitive abilities that our young ones develop. Surprising is the contrast: One moment they are babies needing constant care and the next moment they have blossomed with one less thing that needs our constant care. One by one they learn these things (an unseen checklist if you will) and our care is less and less needed until they have it all figured out (or, they think they have it all figured out) and it's time to leave the nest, and -poof!- They are gone.
Enjoy it while it lasts!
Funny how children with older siblings catch on to these words early! Well, and she is aceptionally smart! I love it!
Sonja, I have a great idea! I'll trade you Cameron for Anna for a week and if you can potty train Cameron I'll work on the screaming thing to the best of my ability. JK.
I love that Claire is so onto her. Have you tried a "soft & sweet" jar? Fill it with five small pieces of candy (or alternative small prize). Every time Claire screams, take one piece out. Oh, don't forget to help her find an alternative to screaming in each instance... but I'm sure you are great at that! Maybe let her earn them back by acting especially "sweet." If she has any pieces left at the end of the day she gets to eat them. If she doesn't get any candy, chocolate chip, or alternative after a few days and becomes frustrated, switch it up and put a piece of candy in the jar for every few hours she doesn't scream.
She is only two but screaming is sooo opposite your personality that it probably makes you scratch your head... or want to tear if off:) Feel free to NOT use my idea because i have a 3.3 year old who refuses to potty train and I have no idea what to do! Ideas?
Michal--Thanks, I'm taking all the victories I can get. Thanks also for feeling my pain--not that I want you to feel any pain, but I think you know what I mean. :)
Amy--I'm thankful for prayer too. Your family is such a good example to me. :)
Annie and Carrie--It is good to know I'm not alone. :)
Brent and Ruth--Thanks for the sweet reminders. *lub*
Loretta--Don't tempt me to swap children....I've seen how sweet Cameron is. I LOVE your idea about the soft/sweet jar. I'm going to try it. Also, you are too kind. It's probably partially BECAUSE of my personality that we're struggling. But I love you for making me look good. :)
I'm so glad our "Negotiator" can deal with us benevolently when we throw a huge wet toilet paper mess His way. I know I'd just want to put my kid in the closet and lock them in there....with love of course. :)
Parenting has been such an eye-opening experience for me and really has helped me get a better idea of the big picture. On my good days, of course.
Oh Sonja I'm sorry! We have a screamer too. We recently gave him the Indian name of, "Screaming Crow." Which he proudly accepted and went about the house shrieking. (Supposedly like a crow.)Interestingly enough, he was colicky as a baby as well. I had him without any medication so we can't blame the epidural or anything of that sort.
We've just come to accept that it's just him. Quite often, even though he's six now, when he goes screaming through the house because of something (quite menial)that happened, we just say..."He must be colicky today", bringing a **little** laughter to the situation.
Really though, the times when I have felt overwhelmed and not quite sure as to how I should handle a situation with my children...or how to simply keep going forward, the answer I recieved to multiple prayers has always seemed to be, "just love them." That's what will matter the most in the end.
Sweet Terror is my screamer and has been since she first exited the womb. I used to complain because she never fussed, whimpered, or cried, just screamed.
I'm glad you had this beautiful moment. They are what keep us going during the tough times, eh?
i can tell that she was mad because the lookon her face but she is a nice little girl
i can tell that she was mad because the lookon her face but she is a nice little girl
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