2015 Christmas Letter

Kalaloch, WA 2015

JEREMY - one of the directors of art and good design at boncom. director of home projects and dog training at home. runner of ragnar. family road-trip to Washington driver. hawaii-for-work-traveler. high-priest-group-helper. pharaoh in our stake's up-coming musical, joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat. 

SONJA - nagger director of homework and studies. soccer mom, gymnastics mom, ballet mom, cross-country mom, preschool mom. activity day leader. elementary school helper. sometimes singer, sometimes piano player, sometimes photographer. family road-trip to Wisconsin driver. fourth-tallest member of the family. president of the jeremy fan club. 

SAMUEL (16) - driver. dater. really fast runner on varsity cross country and track teams. impressive improver on swim team. honor society member. duty to god worker. still gives mom hugs hugger. big fan of marvel. big fan of cute girls. AP chemistry, biology and calculus student. model united nations award winner. willing service giver. all-around-good-guy.

ELISE (14) - ballet dancer. nutcracker sugar plum court dancer. jazz dancer. paint and drawing lover. brace face. cute clothes buyer. book worm. high schooler. academic award winner. writer. poet. sometimes cellist. young womanhood recognition medallion earner. babysitter. big fan of all things percy jackson and harry potter. kind, lovely daughter.

CLAIRE (11) - soccer player. violinist. friend to so many. academic award winner. junior higher. compulsive straight a-er. imaginative, messy crafter. choir singer. babysitter. baker. beach lover. teaser. book worm. joke teller. really-fun-makes-everyone-feel-good-lovely daughter. 

ANNA (9) - gymnast. 16 hours a week gymnast. spanish immersion student. brace face (for part of the year). beach lover. clothes lover. math facts learner. book worm. playing with friends lover. confident-caring-compationate-lovely daughter.

ISAAC (4) - 2-wheeled bike rider. preschool lover. sunbeam. song writer. summersaulter. skipper. runner. alphabet learner. making people laugh lover. always smiling smiler. delightful, little-bit- spoiled baby brother. 

FINN THE DOG (4months) - cutest ever. malti-poo. speaking of poo, pooper. still learning the ropes. gentle, mostly quiet, fun, endless energy, darling little companion.

We are grateful always, and especially this time of year, for our Savior, Jesus Christ.

He was born. He lived. He took upon himself all our sins and died 

that we might live again, as he does.

We invite you to learn more at: https://www.mormon.org/christmas

Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone!

Cherry blossoms and Joy

I can't get over these glorious cherry blossoms. They are full-skirted, unabashed, and perfectly pink.
When I see them I am filled with so much joy!
But today,
today I finally brought out my camera to document this happy scene and I noticed that the blossoms were fading.
The wind, that blows fiercely, has stripped away so many blossoms.

And so it goes. This exquisite beauty and joy is fleeting.

Lately, I have been lingering in family moments a little longer.
I watch them and am filled with so much joy.




My children are growing and they. are. so. good.
I feel overwhelmingly blessed by the goodness of these children.

I am consumed with love for my husband. I wonder all the time how I got so lucky.
We have grown up so much in these almost 17 years.
Each experience from hardship to celebration brings us closer together. Sometimes we drive each other crazy, but there is no one else I'd rather be crazy with.
No one. Our souls are so mingled together and that is exactly how we like it.


And so sometimes life is like a cherry tree...radiant with bursts of color and light with fluff.
I'm so thankful for these times.
So thankful to know that this deep down family joy is not fleeting, but eternal.
It anchors me against the ups and downs, the winters and dry summers.

The blossoms shiver in the wind and whisper,

Stay awhile, take it in.
Remember.

Emerging Imagination

Words are flowing. Every day more words are learned! I love being able to understand you and to hear your thoughts.

But I will miss the baby voice so much.

I weaned you two months ago and my heart has been aching a little ever since. Just a dull ache.

I am so happy for the things you are learning, but this is me, wanting to hang on to the baby a little longer.

sigh.

and yay.

but because it is late and I'm feeling emotional,

mostly sigh.

Darkness Conquered

My eldest daughter is a writer.
A very good writer, with wisdom beyond her years.
She's letting me share this poem because I have not written anything in so long.

Darkness wraps around the world like a blanket,
smothering out all the candles and lamps.
The clouds press down from above,
and the sky rains down with a pit pat, pit pat on my window.
I lie awake, gazing into Darkness.
Sleep pressing on my eyes
and yet I refuse.

Darkness is so thick and Sleep is so persuading,
but I can not sleep.
I am waiting.
I wait
and
wait
and
wait.

The sound of the rain on my window is dimming.
The whole world seems to dim in great, dense Darkness.
There is no more rain.
Only Sleep and Darkness.
And it seems that I must submit to them soon,
but alas! I can not!

I can not quite yet, not when I'm so close...
And just as I think I will wave the white flag
and give myself over,
it happens.

Darkness lifts everything away,
and leaves other things in their place.

Vines are crawling up my wall
and covering my window!
My carpet shoots up and blooms into flowers!
I hear bird song outside my room
and moss holds my head.

Darkness has done its job.
It could have carried me off with everything else
but I persisted and it did not.

Instead it let me dream.
I hear a gurgle
and I think I am done for after all,
that Darkness has come back for me.

But it hasn't.
It is only a small stream,
rushing through the meadow that is my floor.

Finally, I allow Sleep to cradle me in its warm embrace and sing me a lullaby.
As I slip away
and the dream fades
Darkness tiptoes back in.

To my first born...

I don't know where to begin.

Well...you are the beginning.
The beginning of so many things.

You are such an example to me.
You have been thoughtful and sincere from your earliest days.

And just recently, you were worried about a hard class at school.
I suggested you form a study group.

You fasted and prayed.

I see you reading your scriptures every morning.
I see you on your knees at night.

Sometimes I feel our roles are reversed.

But you are my son.
And I held you and wiped away your tears when you were so much smaller.
The joy you give me and your father, brings tears to my eyes.

Thank you for talking to me about your day.
For telling me your worries.
For sharing your triumphs and struggles with me.

Thank you for being so willing to do anything I ask.
(most of the time.)
Your spirit is so strong. Your testimony will help so many.

I feel so certain that our Father in Heaven knew I needed you in my life today.
And forever.

I love you.

Dear Youngest Daughter

Spirited daughter.
So loving and so much loved.
I am in awe of your giant soul.
You see things that I can not.
You long for affection and when you have it
You radiate that affection to others.
Oh my littlest daughter.
I will hold you to my heart forever.

I love you.

The first daughter

When you were born, you were so delicate, with your porcelain skin
and fair, fair features.
We soon learned that there was so much strength underneath that fairness.
Strength of mind, imagination, determination, wit and character.
Oh how blessed am I, to learn from you.
To learn with you.
To journey with you.
Write stories with you.
I'm so glad I will forever be your mommy.

I love you.

The almost 2 year old.

You came to us darling.
Your smile is disarming.
It's really alarming
How much you get away with
because of your charm.

I treasure this time I have with you,
smothering you with kisses while I can.
Getting to know absolutely everything about you.
You are a delight, a light, a force for good.

I love you.

Third child, today.

Oh you smiley girl.
You lovely and delightful girl.
Smart, courageous, so sensitive and kind.

Thinking of others.
Teasing them too. Funny and witty you brighten the world.
Sometimes you are very serious, bringing reality into sharp focus.
You are a light in my heart.
You are so much a part of me.

I love you.

Thoughts brought on by an old grasshopper

I saw a feeble grasshopper yesterday.

I wouldn't have seen it if it hadn't been for my almost two-year-old. He was at first startled by it.
It hopped right in front of him on the side walk after all. That's a little startling!

But then he bent down and watched it carefully. For about two minutes.
Which is a long time in two-year-old land.

At first I was a little bothered. I was in a hurry to get to school and drop off this casserole I made for the teachers. We do that for parent-teacher conferences.

And so a crock-pot full of Buddy Beans was cooling in the wagon and I had no time for an old grasshopper.

But my almost two-year old was fascinated.

So I bent down too.

The poor insect was just about spent. The antennae were moving and it's legs were humming. But it looked dull and lack luster, clearly on death's door step.

I said, "Grasshopper, Isaac. G-r-a-s-s-h-o-p-p-e-r." We are working on words.
He said, "OOOH!! Boosha doka me! Shappa da per!"

He was just taken with this little thing.
And I marveled.

Once again, I marveled at the world through two-year old eyes.
And I was sad.

First of all, I was sad for the little grasshopper. Its life was so short. I hoped it was well lived. He obviously out-lived many of this brothers and sisters who I'm sure made good food for someone. It's November and cold. No longer the season for grasshoppers. We did see quite a few this summer.

But still....It's a little sad to see a creature, even a grasshopper there on the sidewalk, look so ready to die.

Secondly, I was sad because I feel that I am loosing my two-year old vision. I was probably a lot more of a magical mom to my two oldest children. I don't take enough time these days to wonder and marvel at things with my younger three.

In fact, I feel myself a little jaded at times. There is a plethora of "feel-good-mommy-articles" out there. Folks are constantly sharing them on facebook and in various blogs. I find myself rolling my eyes at some of the titles, "The Art of Being a Mom," is the most recent one. I didn't read it.

Why? I'm not saying I'm above help. I definitely need help and encouragement.
I guess it just starts to sound the same.

Be there. Be present. Don't take it all on. Don't be a super mommy. It's ok if your house is messy.

I feel like they are condoning mediocrity. Ouch, did I write that? That's a bit harsh.

But you have to understand. I AM MEDIOCRE. I want to be better. I don't want to be told, it's ok if you haven't lost that baby weight yet or that it's ok if things get left undone. In almost NONE of these articles does it say how daily scripture reading and fervent, personal prayer are so necessary to successful motherhood or just happy living, for that matter.

Oh, you're having a bad day? Have some chocolate and take a bath.

I think it is worthwhile to work hard and buck up.
(Ha! If you really know me and are reading this, please don't laugh.)
I think we need to toughen up a little and be strong enough to accept a little criticism.
So that we can grow.

I want to be like the righteous woman found in Proverbs 31:

5 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also,and he praiseth her.

The truth is, we just don't know how much time we have. We assume we have all the time in the world. I assume that, anyway.

I have found the BEST help in real, live examples. In the way the serve me and allow me to serve them.
My mom. My mother-in-law. My sister and sisters-in-law. Trusted friends.

Whenever I go to the temple, I see my role as mother so clearly. I see what each of my children needs at that moment in time. I feel empowered to become more than I am. More than some think I can be.
More than I think I can be.

I should go to the temple more often.

And I will notice the grasshoppers, the falling leaves, the snow on the mountains and glory in my daily labors.

They whisper to me my destiny.

My precious children are with me such a short time. I need them to feel my righteous influence for eternity. (And hopefully forget my unrighteous influences quickly)

Two minutes with a grasshopper and slightly cooled Buddy Beans can teach you a lot. All these thoughts swirled around in my head as I watch my son look at a bug on the road. Such a small thing.

The grasshopper did not die there on the sidewalk, but rather hopped away into the tall grass when my son got a little too close, surprising me by it's tenacity and willingness to fight to the end.

And lo, the sleeping toddler emerges. I must go and fulfill my destiny.

Keeping it real.

We tried really hard to take nice back to school pictures. I had a fantastic post planned all about the joys of motherhood and how bright and brilliant my children are.

And there is joy.
And they are brilliant.

But I guess there is also reality.

And this is how it goes:




(yep.)


(Ike fell and hit his head on the corner of the wall coming in. :(  Swelled up big for the night, but then by morning the swelling was gone. Poor guy.)

Yes, it's disappointing when things don't go as planned. Welcome to life, right?

So the question is:

What is the best way to handle these little hiccups?

What about the BIG hiccups in life?

Once we've decided how to handle it, I guess we need to ask where that decision will lead us.

Because eventually hiccups go away and children grow up.

And we are left with the consequences of our decisions.

And there's my deep thought for the month.

Have some cake.  Cheers.

The End and The Beginning

Elise is twelve. She will be in two days.
Oh me oh my.

I love that every Sunday since she was three, she was taught by wonderful people the principles of the gospel.

She sang, she read scriptures, she played games, she laughed, she felt the spirit,
she grew.

I am thankful for Primary!

Today was Elise's last Sunday in Primary. She recited the Thirteenth Article of Faith and then gave a talk.

These are her honest, almost-twelve-year-old thoughts:

I was asked to speak on how Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. Now, this is a very large topic to speak on. I mean, prayer took up about two pages in the topical guide. Anyway, I'd like to start off with a scripture.

Luke 11:1
1 And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.

So, what can we get from that little scriputre? Well, we hear that Jesus prayed while he was on earth. So, prayer must have been pretty important. And Jesus wouldn't pray if he didn't think he would get an answer.

My next scripture is John 14:13.

13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

That means that if you pray in Jesus' name, you will get what you asked for. Maybe not right away or the way you expected or wanted, but you will get it and the Father will be glorified in the Son.

This doesn't mean that if you ask to become a chicken or to get super powers or for a volcano to erupt in your neighborhood, you'll get that. No! That's silly. You have to ask for practical things, like for someone who is sick to get better, or for someone on a mission to be safe. That kind of thing. But even then, if you ask for help on a test, but you didn't studied or paid attention in class, you probably won't get help because you always need to do SOMEthing to get help.

My last scripture is D&C 19:83

38 Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing—yea, even more than if you should obtain treasures of earth and corruptibleness to the extent thereof.

Think about that. Just think about it. Blessings better than any treasures of the Earth. Having the Lord's spirit poured upon you! Simply if we pray always. Isn't that just a lovely thought? It seems like such a small thing to do for such a vast reward. And if none of my other scriptures clearly stated that Heavenly Father does hear and answer our prayers, this one definitely does. To have the Lord's spirit with you always. I think that is good enough, even if we don't get what we originally asked for in our prayers.

Then she bore her testimony. And ended her time in Primary.

A new adventure awaits her! She is so ready and excited to go to Young Women's! I love the gospel and how it helps me and my family. I believe these programs are inspired of our Father in Heaven. 

Elise is a bright, confident, happy pre-teen! I know that the things she has learned at church have helped her to know who she is and that she has an important mission here in this life. 

As a mother, I feel there can be no greater gift.

Here she is on her first day in nursery (18 months old). It was Sam's first day of Primary. They look super impressed, yes?

Here she is today:

In the thick of it.

It's quiet.
Except for the dishwasher running.
The children are asleep.
Jeremy is working late.

I love my hard working guy.
But I miss him.

Jeremy left his cell phone at home this morning.
So I went to his new work place to deliver it.
He's teaching a class at BYU tonight, you see.
I couldn't have him driving all the way down to BYU tonight and back super late in a car that could explode any minute, without his cell phone.
Ike and I drove into the city and parked.
But just as I pulled into the parking spot, I heard a woman scream.
Another woman walking by heard her too.
Then we saw her. She yelled for someone to call the police.
Then I saw a young man jump into a white pontiac and quickly drive off.
The woman who screamed approached us and the woman who was walking by was already on the phone with the police.
Apparently some dumbhead (the computer doesn't think that is a mis-spelled word, btw) tried to mug her IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
The saddest part is that there was a woman and a child in the car too.

So, now with trepidation, I put Ike in the stroller and we walked a block to Jerm's work building.
It was kind of thrilling to see him in work mode.
He is sunshine to my soul. A tingle down my spine. Still...after all these years.
I don't often get to see this whole other side of him. The side that takes him away for most of the day but makes it possible of us to buy a home, have good food, nice clothes, fun activities, cars...etc.

Everyone there seemed nice. And Ike was charming.

While I was driving home I listened to the announcement of a new pope, Pope Francisco, from  Argentina.

When I got home, I planted a few more seeds in my milk jug green houses.

The sunshine today was glorious. It is remarkable how fast the snow melted. Just Saturday, I thought we would be snow bound forever. Today, I think my cheeks got sunburned and Ike's fingernails have dirt in them for the first time.

I cleaned a few things.
And took care of Ike. I really like that part. He's so quick to smile, mischievous and fun.

Then 3pm came.
Then cello lessons, book club, picking up from a friend's, homework, practice, running to the store to get poster board, and dinner came.
It is literal whirlwind.

Then I packed everyone up in the van and we went to Sam's band concert.

He played well. They all did.

Claire had a really hard time sitting still and being quiet, however. She's eight.
So did Anna. She's six.
Elise brought a book.
And Ike was on my back and did pretty well the whole time.

Then we came home. There was some bickering in the car by the usual suspects.
And I said the usual things,
"Before you speak, think: Is it necessary? Is it kind?"

Which crescendoed into
"I AM GOING TO COUNT TO THREE AND EVERYONE BETTER BE QUIET!"

We finally read scriptures, said prayers, brushed teeth and got into bed.

Well the kids any way.

And here I am thinking about how I'm in the thick of life. It is busy and chaotic, but I love it. I choose this life! I want to drink, smell, revel in it.

The garage door opens. Good night.

February Lovin'

It is the 6th of March. It's warmer. It's lighter in the morning. I've planted some seeds in homemade greenhouses made out of old milk jugs. The air is clearer.

Being outside keeps me sane.

Here is what we did LAST month, the sane and insane.

We celebrated another birthday:


Woohoo!

He hasn't changed much since the day I met him, more than 16 years ago. Sigh...I'm still so very crazy about him.

Jeremy got a new job this month. We are very proud of our Design Director. It is a huge blessing and answer to prayer.

It was Valentine's day. Which being interpreted means, chocolate and candy day.


Claire really wanted a chocolate rose that we saw at Target whilst shopping one day. I told her, "Maybe for Valentine's," since, you know, they put out the Valentine's candy right after Christmas. For days after, every once in a while she would drop a little reminder like this:

I wonder what it would feel like if somebody loved me enough to get me a chocolate rose for Valentine's?

Hmmm....I wonder that too, Claire!

Hee hee.

So now she knows.



I didn't forget Sam or Elise.

Elise chose to save her chocolate, so no picture.

HOWEVER,
I have plenty of pictures from the sixth grade dance. They had a 50's theme, so all the girls wore poodle skirts and the boys wore leather jackets and white t-shirts and jeans. They had been learning social dances for a few months so it was fun for them to try their moves out on the dance floor.

Kinda funny how most of the girls are taller than the boys at this stage of the game.



She had lots of fun and the dance was so well planned.

Oh how she's growing up!


I got a big surprise on Valentine's when this big box showed up on our doorstep bearing this on the label:


This was inside:

I was really tempted to follow the directions on the box and devour ALL of them.
But I didn't.
It was a gift from my mom and dad for our whole family.
Wowee wow! Did we feel loved!

There was still a lot of snow in February.



So we did crazy things like:
learn how to get into the fridge.


and we played Apples to Apples while eating HighChews.

We like HighChews, but we cannot buy them again for a while.


And I took some pictures of my reluctant thirteen year old.



Just stop going so fast, time. I'm not sure if my heart can take it. When I first started blogging, these kiddos were so much smaller.

I feel such an urgency to hang on to this time, these moments. I love having everyone with me. The noise, the mess, the food, the laundry, the squabbles, and yes, even the nagging. These will I all miss, when they go their way into the world.

And now I will stop, because my eyes are getting teary.

February 2013 was a good month.