A Tale of Two Nest

A Tale of Stuff I Learned In the Best and Worst of Times, In Three Parts.





Book the First: Eggs of Abandonment.

We have discovered that we share this little plot of land with quite a few birds. The fact is, I'm sure they are not too happy to share with us.

They came and busily went about building their nests, here and there, only to discover that once the weather warmed, four noisy, busy children also occupied their back yard.

We were excited when we found the robin's nest in our tree by the kitchen window. Two beautiful blue eggs were laid.

We were perplexed and surprised one morning to find a little finch's nest in the wreath on our front door. Soon, four little eggs appeared. I was genuinely afraid for them, because that door is a busy place!

Sadly, both nests were abandoned by their parents before the little eggs had a chance of hatching.

Book the Second: In Which A Mother Reflects On Her Own Nest.

I had this experience a few days ago.
Before I continue, I feel I must preface. It's been a rough couple of weeks. I've learned each child goes through periods of insecurity and testing. Some have been louder than others during this time. I have four very strong children, and I'm glad they are that way.

But one is particularly strong. And loud.

And she's testing, boy is she testing. And I love her dearly, despite it all.

One morning she woke up screaming. Nothing was right. Everyone else was mean. (This, despite that fact that my husband and I took turns sleeping with her in the night.)

I was tired. So tired of the screaming and feeling like I was not in control. So I just let her scream a little in her room.

The thing is, it was the first day of summer break for the rest of my children. It was fairly early in the morning. Guess how happy they were to wake up to screaming? Not very.

So, I was ready to march upstairs and let her have it.

Before I did however, I said a little prayer.

I had the baby in my arms and after the prayer felt I should put him down in his crib and talk to my screaming child alone.

I went into her room and felt as though the spirit was directing my every move. When I opened my mouth, instead of yelling I told her I loved her. She still screamed. My arms reached down for her on the floor and scooped her up and just held her and told her everything was going to be okay.

She said she was cold, so I held her tighter.

She said she was hungry, so I carried her downstairs.

I held her in the kitchen for a while, where, I'm sorry to say, this thought crossed my mind:

"She doesn't deserve this."

Immediately this thought then entered my mind:

"You don't deserve most of the blessings and love you have."

Book the Third: In Conclusion

I'm so glad I'm not a bird.

But being a human is hard. Tears sting. Hearts break. Brains get tired. We make mistakes and sometimes wish we could just fly away.

There have been times (more than I'd like to admit) when I didn't pray before disciplining a child. I'm emotional and talk too much. Two big no-nos when disciplining a child.

We are in it for the long haul, however. No leaving the nest and starting over. The truth is, I get the chance to be with my family forever.

I'm so glad I'm not a bird.

I'm really thankful for Heavenly Father's help. I absolutely could not do this without His help. I love these little punks so much. I want them to be happy, healthy and know that I love them despite of my weaknesses.

I'm so glad the my Heavenly Father loves me, even when I am stubborn, neglectful, slow to learn, quick to anger and ungrateful. I understand that it is not pleasing to Him when I act that way, but He loves me just the same and will stand by and help me until I do learn, until I "get it."

This particular incident reminded me of this. It could have ended so badly, with me yelling. Instead, she sat with me quietly while eating her breakfast and said, "Thanks, mom."

Which being interpreted means: "I will love you forever for warming me up, calming me down and sticking by my side when things are hard."

My heart echos the psalmist:
Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped. (Psalm 124:7)

The End

For Granted

Today I won't nag you about your Health Assignment.
Or your spelling, cello practice, coat on the floor, socks under the table, or books left in the bathroom.

We can worry about that another day.

Today I want to hear what's on your mind. What was lunch like? How was the bus ride home? Who is your favorite teacher? Why?

What are you worried about? What did you like about your day? What do you like about yourself? Did you notice the buds on the trees? They will explode into leaves soon. Didn't the warm sun feel fantastic after two days of snow?

Can I hold you in my arms for just a sec? Please, just a minute more?  Will you giggle and smile if I make a funny face like you did when you were so much smaller?

Someday you will read this.
I do more than just nag.
I worry and hope and love love love you.
Today I want to show it.
And not take you for granted.

It ain't over yet.

On this extra day of leap I went to the doctor and got a clean bill of health. That felt good.
I went to a PTA meeting. Such a fun bunch of ladies.
I went to parent teacher conferences for Sam. It's nice to hear that he's doing well.
Right now I'm praying Jeremy makes it home safely from his teaching job. It's snowing a lot and his car is a piece of junk. I don't expect him home until 11pm and I won't be able to sleep until he's home.

On this day of leap I planned to exercise, but didn't.
I got angry at my daughter for being angry, which made her more angry.
I realize now what she needed was a hug, but now she won't let me give it to her.
Mental note: pay attention, be slow to anger.

I don't like being a single parent on these days.
But I do like being a mom.
Even when its hard. You learn. You grow. You hope your kids forgive you.

My heart breaks and then expands.
I'm a mother.

Life Today

These days my day begins around 2:30am.

I change a diaper, suction out a stuffy little nose, and nurse for a while.

Lots of thoughts come to my mind that early in the morning. Mostly I think about all my blessings and wonder how in the world I deserve them. This morning I was sad for the Cox family and all those who have been affected by violence in their lives.
I think about how cool it would be to fly, or if oreos were healthy.

Eventually I go back to sleep and then wake again at 6:30am with my little nursing buddy.

If it's a school day, I get up after nursing and go down to greet my other children. We read scriptures, have a spiritual thought, say prayers and have breakfast. Nothing fancy at our house, just cereal. Sam still eats his dry.

After everyone's lunches are made, last minute projects are done, hair and teeth are brushed and shoes are found, I kiss most my family and send them on their way for the day.

Sometimes I really miss homeschooling. I miss having all my kids around me and learning about cool things together. I have found, however that for me, no schooling situation is perfect. Right now I truly value the experiences they have at school. They all go to good schools. Yes, we've had a few negative experiences, but we did while homeschooling too. My kids have learned from them and it has given them the opportunity to test their faith. I'm grateful for that. I also am grateful for their good teachers and the positive influence they've had. We've been very lucky that way.

But I still miss them and look forward to vacations.

Shortly after the big kids leave, Anna wakes.

We have breakfast, get dressed, play with Isaac for a bit and then either do Anna's beloved workbooks, puzzles or games (if I got back to sleep after 2:30am) or watch TV (if I didn't). I've never been a fan of TV, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

By 11am we're reading and making lunch.

Anna is off to Kindergarten by 12pm.

The weather had been nice, so sometimes we walk. It's about a mile to the school. Anna runs almost the whole way.

Then it's just me and Isaac for a few hours. Some days I volunteer in Anna's class and Claire's class. Other days I have appointments or do grocery shopping. Often I call and talk to my mom or sister. I'm so lucky to have them!  I also just sit and hold Isaac. I play with him on the floor, nurse him, clip his fingernails, sing songs to him. I LOVE holding him and this is the only quite time during the day with him that I have. He is two and a half months now and is vocalizing more and more. His voice is so sweet and I could just listen to his sweet babble for hours. Sometimes I do.
But then I look over at the kitchen or the living room and come back to reality. The dishes must be done and the laundry must be folded. Dinner must be started, because when all the kids come home it's chaos. They need to tell me everything that happened and I need to listen. I'm really glad that my kids are talkers, actually. They also love to see Isaac when they get home.

Afternoons are different everyday. Usually we have either dance, gymnastics, activity days, scouts, instrument practice, or other school activities.

We try to have dinner by 6:30pm, but it depends on what is going on that day.

Evenings folks are finishing up homework, reading and playing. We do a lot of reading. Actually, I haven't been lately, but everyone else does. I guess I do a lot of reading online. I need to change that.

Then, we have baths, read scriptures, say prayers and head to bed. The four older kids, that is.

Now, I must remind whoever reads this that my baby is still nursing every 2 or 3 hours. So in the midst of the busy day, that still happens too. Because sometimes I look back on the day and think I didn't get very much accomplished. But then I look at my sweet, happy baby who is getting chubbier all the time and feel satisfied.

I'm usually in bed by 11pm. That's after the last nursing, and time spent with Jeremy or photoshop.

I still take pictures too.

We play Settlers. Anna won this time. Sam's not too happy.


Getting ready for crazy hair day.


The kitty mask was popular this week.





Why the laundry is not done.


My days are very different today than they were last year and the year before that. I suppose that's normal. I'm very grateful that the constants in my day are my family and the gospel. No matter how the details change.

Enter Winter

He actually really likes shoveling snow. I promise.

Isaac's second mommy

yes, I did. I took a picture of our baby on top of a present, Jeremy

He may be the fifth, but he'll never complain of not having any pictures of himself

she's also a mommy. to everyone. she's growing so fast and is lovely as ever.

Isaac's other mommy

today she said, "mom, I kind of miss being the littlest." that's when I pulled her onto my lap and gave her the biggest hug and kiss because I had no words. I wanted to say, she, elise, claire, and sam will always be my little angels; that no matter how big they get, they will always be my babies. I hope the hug and kiss said it for me.

i'm so thankful for happy children! they are human, of course, and not perfect. but on the whole they are happy and they make me and Jeremy so happy. I love being their mother!

Parenting 505

General Conference April 2011
What a joy to be instructed in this master class of life and parenting.

Some things I will remember most:

"He's been speaking for 10 minutes without a reference to aviation!"
"Waiting on the road to Damascus."
--Uchdoft

Desires > Priorities > Choices > Actions
--Oaks

"Children might not remember the words of the scripture or prayer, but they will remember that you did it."
--Maynes

"Teach your children faith with deep conviction."
--Nelson

"Let it go."
--Packer

"If we handle afflictions properly, they will be consecrated for our gain."
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?"
--Johnson

Patterns of revelation
Light switch = immediate illumination (uncommon)
Sunrise = gradual illumination (common)
--Bednar

"The final judgement will not be so much about what we have or have not done, but what we've become"
Chastening > Repentance > Righteousness
--Christofferson

"To be and to do."
"Discipline the child on the "Be" instead of the "Do."
"You may need this child as much as this child needs you."
"Never let an action be associated with an identity."
--Robbins

Ahh....I'm so ready to be a better parent! These lessons meant so much to me and brought comfort to my soul.
I love these little rascals with all my heart!







And I'm so thankful that we have a wise and loving Father in Heaven, who knows us and wants to help us. I am thankful for leaders that live in such a way, that they may teach with an abundance of the spirit. I am thankful for the gospel. It has brought so much happiness and peace in my life.

What messages were meaningful to you?

One Ring to Rule Them All....

A friend recently posted this on Facebook:
"I need a ring of power to rule them all, because my discipline techniques are not working."
I chuckled at her witty way of handling a tough situation and thought, yes, we could all use that ring sometimes.

Man, I really needed it today.

After a rather loud battle today (thankfully it doesn't happen too often), I learned something.

It's better to pray for help before things get crazy, than to pray for help after.

I'm so thankful to know that I can pray right in the moment for help. And I need it. Oh boy do I need it. My natural inclination is to battle my way to the bitter end and let the little offender know that mom is the supreme being! But of course I'm not. It's much more important to teach them that our Father in Heaven is in charge. Some how they are more receptive to that idea. When we pray in the moment, before the contention gets out of hand, we are helped.

We are even helped when we ask after things get crazy. But it would be so much better to avoid all the shouting and tears, don't you think?

Being a mother is overwhelming. It causes me to grow, to be lifted up, to come face to face with myself, and when I feel I'm completely spent, being a mother teaches me to be humble and ask for help.

Being a mother has made me so grateful for the help I receive.

Winter is almost over! And just like spring melts away the snow, peace that only our Father in Heaven can impart, melts away the contention. I marvel at both miracles and am SO thankful for them.


This picture was taken last month. I love those happy faces!

And I do love being their mother.

There is nothing to fear but...

FEAR!

That's right. Freakiness.

A few Fridays ago, while I was at work Jeremy and the kids watched Coraline. We didn't really know too much about it. We knew it was based on a children's book. We knew the stop motion animation was cool.

What we did not know, has come back to bite us. Again and again.

In all honesty, we did know it might be a tad freaky, but it was rated PG, and our kids have been able to handle the likes, of Star Wars (4-6 and 1,2) and Harry Potter.

This one is scary because the theme is more relate-able? The thought of parents missing or turning into scary, children eating spiders comes a little too close to home? I'm not sure, but I wish Jeremy had turned it off before Anna got the scary image imprinted in her very impressionable little mind.

All of our hard work, nights and nights of singing, back rubbing, praying and reading to try and get her to stay in her own bed at night, undone in 90min.

Sigh....

Choose wisely my friends.

On a different note, but in the same vein:
I submitted this post: Fear ala Edgar Allan Poe (written last year, one of my favorites)
to Scribbit's Write-Away contest this month.

When it rains, it pours.

Worth. It's a small word. It even looks kinda funny by itself, but it has been on my mind a lot lately, in many different contexts.

Right now, those little blades of grass growing in our backyard mean a lot to us. We worked hard for them and we hope they fill up our yard with lush, pleasing green. A whole week of thunderstorms is trying to stop that from happening, and we find ourselves asking, "Was it worth it?" I guess it's too early to tell.

There have been times the past few years that we have wondered whether it was worth it for Jeremy to go back to school. We struggled for three years. Now when I say struggle, I'm talkin' sold our house and moved to another state with two and a half kids, and having yet another wee babe before the graduation robes were put on, struggle. Student life with four kids is no party people! But it is going to be worth it! This is the thought that got us through. A year after graduation the economy tanks and Jeremy is working at a place marginally better than where he was working before we went to school. We have a job and we are very thankful for it. But lately we've wondered (as we write out our checks to the student loan guys and muddle through the financial shlumpity-slump), "Was it worth it?"

How do we judge how much something is worth? I listened to some guys on the radio talk about how much Ronaldinho is worth. A lot, apparently.

I recently sold some books and had a hard time determining how much they were worth.

Money is one way to determine some thing's worth. Beauty and time invested are others.

Sometimes we learn about worth in painful ways:

Friday morning I went to the temple with a friend. I asked my brother to watch the kids for me. I went early and hoped that my little girls (especially Anna) would stay sleeping the whole time. I had a beautiful experience at the temple and got a much needed spiritual boost. I came home a little later than I planned to a house full of wide-awake children and a brother with a nervous twitch. He gave me this look that said, "Why??"

He proceeded to tell me that Anna woke up about an hour after I left and went berserk because I didn't tell her I wasn't going to be there. She ran out the door and half way down the block screaming. When my brother tried to get her she screamed in a hysterical, I-just-woke-up-and-I'm-so-mad!, voice, "Get away from me! I don't like you!" My sensitive, kind and gentle brother didn't know what else to do but sit there with her in the middle of our block and pray that the neighbors didn't call the cops. Eventually Anna calmed down and came in the house with him. My brother was traumatized.

So, was the trip to the temple worth it? Two days after the whole affair Anna and my brother have recovered and I can tell you it was.

As a mother I have certain gauges that I semi-consciously use to determine my self-worth. I don't have quarterly reviews from a boss. I don't get raises or bonuses for doing good work. I don't get a report card telling me what I've passed or failed.

I know that Heavenly Father thinks I'm of infinite worth, but because I am a poor, feeble human I tend to be less secure when I consider my own worth.

Why do ye not think that greater is the value of an endless happiness than that misery which never dies—because of the praise of the world? (Mormon 8:38)

I suppose I can go back to seeds and grass here. What truth there is in the law of the harvest! My life-lawn right now is filled with lots of small, unglamerous things: Laundry, dinners, scrapes and bumps, little voices, little very needy and grabby fingers, peas on the floor, clogged toilets, book reports, math facts, marker on the wall, manners lessons and other daily family "seeds." Sometimes the sun is shining, sometimes it rains. Sometimes the storm is so violent we wonder if our seeds will make it and if it is even worth it.

Yet we are promised help,
My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distill as the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass.
(Deut. 32: 2)

And hope,
And he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds; as the tender grass springing out of the earth by clear shining after rain.
(2 Sam. 23: 4)

I imagine myself an old grandma someday surrounded by my children and grandchildren whom I have watched grow. Who have cried tears of sorrow and joy with me. Who love me and love each other. That will be my priceless, viridian paradise.

All the rain and storms, the lack of new clothes and shiny things, the tears and heartache, the missed cruises, the worry; small price to pay.

It will be worth it.

A cautionary tale.

My friends, a tragedy told in two parts.

Part One.
Early this spring I was walking around our block admiring the new buds on the trees, smiling at all the chirping birds and breathing in the fresh air that comes after rain. It was early in the morning and I was all by myself. (A rarity) When I came to the corner of our block, I was shocked at what lay before me.

Two robins lay in the middle of the street. They were dead. But they did not have a scratch on them. They had not been run over or eaten. It was very perplexing and a little disturbing.

I actually had to resist the urge to run and get my camera. Their beautiful, little, unscathed bodies laying side by side reminded me so much of a tragic avian Romeo and Juliet.

I could not enjoy the rest of my walk. The pitiful birds were a stark contrast to the whole world that seemed to be teeming with life, from the buzzing insects to the green foliage. I kept wondering what brought about their demise.

Then it hit me.

The two love birds were so caught up in a rush of spring-twitter-pated ecstasy they didn't see the windshield coming. Bam! Stunned to death by the sudden impact they must have flown off the windshield and landed in the middle of the street. It's strange (and probably morbid) but that image has stayed with me and will probably never leave me.

Part Two.
Later that day I told my husband about the robins. It did not impact him the same way it did me. I suppose that is because I had a guilty conscience and he did not.

You see, I tend to get carried away in big ideas. Sometimes I can get so focused on one thing that I loose track of why I'm really here. It's ridiculous and it mostly comes in the form of: me staying up until 1 or 2 am reading, editing photos, writing, blogging, cleaning (ok, I hardly ever stay up cleaning), and so forth. Without enough sleep, I may as well have been hit by a windshield. I'm not as patient with my family, I don't get nearly as much done, and I tend to grab more chocolate chips than I should.

When I have balance in my life, it's like a vibrant spring day. All those extra things are lovely little parts of life. But when I focus too much on myself and don't rein in those desires -- Bam! Things spin out of focus and the dark clouds of discouragement, discontent and discord roll in. The good news is, I can get up after a fall. Unlike those robins, I can learn and adjust my priorities to avoid getting hit again.

So my friends, beware the terrible tragedy that befalls those who, in a fit of selfish passion, cast reason and sleep aside to pursue personal pleasures. Moderation is our friend and will see us through many future springs.

This little birdie is going to sleep, getting up to jog tomorrow and will keep trying to avoid the windshield.

Confessions and cuteness in the same post, again.

A funny thing about this weekend:

I was planning on dressing the girls up in semi-matching dresses, fixing their hair with ribbons and bows, and then taking a fantastic family picture.

Apparently, someone had other ideas.

Someone in our family has very strong opinions about what looks nice. She wants her hair a certain way and likes clothes that are.....how shall I say?...not pink and frilly. She insisted on wearing her seventies-looking, blue dress with her hair strait, unbraided and uncurled, pulled back with a pink and red head band. To top it all off, she really needed to wear her bright red clogs.

I'm not very proud of the way I reacted to this. I really wanted her to let me have my way just this one time. I wanted her, (even though she is seven) to understand that because I work hard for her, sacrifice for her, and give her so much love and freedom, I qualify for one day of getting to pick her clothes and do her hair! Doesn't she want me to be happy? Couldn't she see how much it meant to me??

Apparently not.

This is when it is difficult to put aside the frail, flawed and regular human role and assume the awesome, super, parent role. Do I pursue this battle of wills? Where will it lead? Would it be better to put aside my own wants in this case or make a stand and say, "I AM THE MOTHER!"?

I'd like to say I was able to think this clearly the whole time. That fact is it was only after a considerable amount of tears (from both of us) that I finally, feebly approached the parent role and considered:

She is a good girl. She is usually obedient. She is kind. She is modest. And she is strong-willed. I have to let her win sometimes. The only harm done was to my pride.

As we walked to church I thought how I would much rather have our smiles match than our dresses.

And look! All that fuss, and we still turned out a descent picture. :)

Anyone Can Cook.

As you can see, I've been on a picture-taking kick. It's my new (renewed) mania. My writing has suffered. My laundry, dinners, reading, husband and kitchen floor have suffered too. But not the kids. Let me assure you with all these lovely pictures of the kids. See? They're happy and fine.

(Pictures of their school projects are coming, dad.)

Let me 'splain.

It's a cycle. And it goes like this:

I get super motivated to do lots of things.
I stay busy, busy, busy.
I break down.
I find a creative outlet and pour myself into it to get out of the break down.
I get super motivated to do lots of things, etc.

So, this is my survival technique. I'm not sure why I can't be level all the time or why I can't just avoid those break downs all together. The other day I was wondering if I was ever really consistent about anything. Happily, I can say that I'm pretty consistent when it comes to my testimony of the gospel and my love for my family. Running, going to bed on time, finishing a book, learning that new Debussy song, going all-natural, being a health nut....I'm consistent about being inconsistent with these.

When president Uchtdorf talked about the "creative desire," in his most excellent talk, I really thought he was talking specifically to me. But that's also what the lady sitting next to me thought. And the ladies behind and in front of me. It speaks to so many of us, because it's truth.
Amen.

and Amen.

I'm still learning about photography. I gotta tell you, it's a little intimidating being married to a guy who is so darn artistic. When I'm not frustrated up to my ears because of how easy he makes it look, I do learn a lot from him.

And when I actually take a picture that looks good to me, I feel so great!

I think to myself (with a German accent like Uchtdorf's): Everyone can create!

And then, for some reason, I think to myself (with a French accent like Gustave's in Ratatouille): Anyone can cook!

And then I want to go cook up something exotic and fabulous. hmm....

Yes, I will create it. I will eat it. And I will feel deep satisfaction and fulfillment.


(If only I could get them to wear colors that coordinate. And Anna, sweet Anna...everyone else thought my orange joke was funny.)

Confessions and cuteness in the same post.

News flash: Parenting is not easy.

Raise your hand if you honestly knew what you were getting yourself into when you started having kids.

Anyone?

Anyone?


I better clarify first that I really love being a mom. I love babies. I love toddlers. I love big kids and believe it or not, I'm really looking forward to teenagers.

But there are days...

Days when I question my sanity. Days when I'm sure my hearing will be shot before I'm forty. Days when I feel like a failure, when weaknesses feel so humongous and I feel that I will be squashed by the ensuing weight of responsibility.

Thankfully, there are also days of happiness and laughing to balance out the others. I really believe the reason we have the family institution is to help us learn about how much our Heavenly Father loves us. I have prayed more fervently and earnestly these almost 10 years of being a mother than I ever did before.


One of my "hang ups" has been the education of my children. SURPRISE! If you know me than you've heard it all before, but hang around because I might really surprise you.

I don't want them to grow up too quickly. I want them to love learning; to really know how to learn and not just how to pass a test. I want them to be free to discover who they really are before so many other people make the decision for them. Most of all, I want them to be confident in Heavenly Father's love for them, before sending them into a world that would have them believe there is no Father or heaven and that it's every man for himself.

News Flash: This is what most parents want.

News Flash: There are different ways to achieve this. (surprised?)

I really believe that Heavenly Father helps us in our righteous desires. Situations change. Children grow and change. Circumstances change. It's important to know what the options are. [read--there's homeschooling, public schools, private schools, charter schools] I have always felt the need to be flexible and open to change. And the need to have faith that those righteous desires will be fulfilled if we are doing our part. But that's a lot easier to type on this blog than to actually live.

I'm sure the inspiration you receive for your family is different than mine. Sometimes it can be different from last year or last week. Isn't it nice to know that we are not just mass-blessed. Our blessings and answers are as unique and individual as we are. They are carefully placed for our particular time and need with the sole purpose of helping us into eternity.


Yep, parenting is not easy. But nothing really worthwhile ever is.
Oh, I'm sorry for this not-very-clear post of my feelings. I'm still sorting them out. But it feels cathartic just typing them out.

(and aren't my kids cute?)

Look, it's complicated...

My two-year-old is a screamer. Don't get me wrong. She is also very, very sweet. But the few who have seen her in the midst of a storm, know what I'm talking about.

And for those of you who haven't, count your lucky stars.

I don't know if it's because she is our fourth, or if this stems from the colic she had, or our numerous ultrasounds, or the fact that she was induced, or if this is just her personality, but she is a strong, determined little girl. (I've done the "terrible twos" 3 times already and this is beyond that)

She's LOUD. She can hit this high pitched frequency that triggers my LAST nerve like nothing else. I know someday she's going to read this and be all, "Uh, mom. Why did you write this about me? I'm like, the sweetest child ever." (I hope, I hope, I hope...)

We love her, we do, sooo much, but it's been a "learning experience" trying to help her to help herself. Did that make sense?

Oh! It's been a test of patience. It's funny how you can have this "ideal" in your mind and then one person can throw that so far off balance that you have to change your entire way of thinking.

We have tried SO many discipline techniques. Maybe someday I'll post about my feelings on that, but not today.

Suffice it to say, she doesn't respond AT ALL to any type of aggression. (Don't judge--you weren't the one dealing with the huge wet toilet paper mess, high decimal screaming, recently folded clothes strewn about all throughout the house AND marker on the wall. How that happens within the 3 minutes I'm allotted to use the bathroom is a mystery to me.)

My four-year-old,Claire has a really hard time when Anna screams. She has a hard time with ANY loud noises, so it seems to be especially hurtful when Anna yells at her. We all have been working hard to teach Anna to reason with us. She is talking so much more and we've been trying to intervene, before the storm is full blown.

I think it's helping.

The other day Claire had a friend over to play. Anna was playing with them. Claire's friend wanted to play with Anna's doll and change the doll's clothes. Anna started to freak out, and Claire's little friend started to get mad too.

Then Claire stopped her friend and said, "Look, it's complicated," and proceeded to negotiate a deal with Anna that allowed her friend to change the doll's clothes.

I was amazed. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because Claire knew what "complicated" meant. No, seriously, I know I have a ways to go, but I'm so thankful for those little glimpses of the "ideal." They keep me going.

And I thought about how life is complicated. There are times when it is pretty straightforward, but I think it's safe to say that most of us experience some "complications" from time to time.

Thank goodness we all have a negotiator, the Negotiator, we can turn to, otherwise can you imagine how miserable we'd be?