Raise your hand if you honestly knew what you were getting yourself into when you started having kids.
Anyone?
Anyone?
I better clarify first that I really love being a mom. I love babies. I love toddlers. I love big kids and believe it or not, I'm really looking forward to teenagers.
But there are days...
Days when I question my sanity. Days when I'm sure my hearing will be shot before I'm forty. Days when I feel like a failure, when weaknesses feel so humongous and I feel that I will be squashed by the ensuing weight of responsibility.
Thankfully, there are also days of happiness and laughing to balance out the others. I really believe the reason we have the family institution is to help us learn about how much our Heavenly Father loves us. I have prayed more fervently and earnestly these almost 10 years of being a mother than I ever did before.
One of my "hang ups" has been the education of my children. SURPRISE! If you know me than you've heard it all before, but hang around because I might really surprise you.
I don't want them to grow up too quickly. I want them to love learning; to really know how to learn and not just how to pass a test. I want them to be free to discover who they really are before so many other people make the decision for them. Most of all, I want them to be confident in Heavenly Father's love for them, before sending them into a world that would have them believe there is no Father or heaven and that it's every man for himself.
News Flash: This is what most parents want.
News Flash: There are different ways to achieve this. (surprised?)
I really believe that Heavenly Father helps us in our righteous desires. Situations change. Children grow and change. Circumstances change. It's important to know what the options are. [read--there's homeschooling, public schools, private schools, charter schools] I have always felt the need to be flexible and open to change. And the need to have faith that those righteous desires will be fulfilled if we are doing our part. But that's a lot easier to type on this blog than to actually live.
I'm sure the inspiration you receive for your family is different than mine. Sometimes it can be different from last year or last week. Isn't it nice to know that we are not just mass-blessed. Our blessings and answers are as unique and individual as we are. They are carefully placed for our particular time and need with the sole purpose of helping us into eternity.
Yep, parenting is not easy. But nothing really worthwhile ever is.
Oh, I'm sorry for this not-very-clear post of my feelings. I'm still sorting them out. But it feels cathartic just typing them out.
(and aren't my kids cute?)
14 comments:
I think your children are absolutely delightful and I think your mothering skills are excellent. The gentle fathering that your husband provides is perfect.
Your children exhibit a social, intellectual and spiritual balance that is a byproduct of your (You and Jeremy) excellent parenting. That's why dorks like us tell you to have more because we see the job your doing with the ones you have.
You're right it is hard but well worth it.
Meanwhile we on the sidelines wonder how you do it so gracefully.
Please, keep up the good work!
Sonja,
I think you are a pretty awesome mom. I can't imagine myself being half as sane (or talented) as you are when we have four. But I am still glad for revelation that comes for the here and now--even with my one.
"Being flexible and open to change"...that is exactly what a mother needs to be! I think your kids are pretty lucky to have parents who really care about them.
I have felt the same conflicting emotions today. It was a day where I didn't know if I could take any more of one of my boys "sound effects" or my daughters bounding around the house or cleaning up yet another mess made by my youngest. I often wonder what I was thinking and am thinking.
Then we will all climb into the chair and read a book together and my cute little guy cuddles in and falls asleep in my arms. I can't help but look at him and just love being his mom.
Yes I always wonder if what I do as far as educating my children but then again I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
I am always impressed by you and your cute family. You are doing a great job.
They're gorgeous! Their eyes are so clear and pure. I just love the photos you take of them too. The fact that you're concerned about them is a wonderful sign. They are so lucky to have an involved mommy like you who helps them along in life.
yes your children are adorable, and yes parenting is the hardest thing i have ever done or ever will do! but you make it look pretty darn easy.
They are really cute kids! I definately didn't know what I was getting myself into when I had kids, but I sure enjoy the good moments!
LOVE THE PICTURES, sonja!
thank you for sharing your thoughts and your struggles. i think we all go through this kind of turmoil. often! some days when i consider putting my kids back in (public)school, i know that it's because it feels too hard to be responsible for so much. and yet, sometimes i resist the idea of putting my kids back in (public) school because i don't want to give up what we have here at home. i just pray that the lord will lead us to do the right thing and that i will be humble enough to hear it.
you are amazing. i know you're not perfect (because you've told me--i THINK you're perfect!) but you are doing a great job with your family. although i don't know specifically what you are struggling with right now, please remember that kids go through rough patches in other school settings, too. sometimes we are meant to change things up, sometimes we just need to help them weather the storm.
i know that you can get the answer you seek and that you will have the courage to follow it.
I too seem to be at that crossroad! It's painful. But KUDDOS to you for even caring. So many around me don't even think about it. It's just "Go to school." No questions asked. I, like you, feel that there are so many good options out there. And each child may need something different. We may end up with two in each next year. All for different reasons. I'm glad that we have options.
You are doing a wonderful job and I know you will continue to make good choices for your little ones.
Parenthood is the hardest job ever. I just want them to be happy, well-adjusted, productive, honest people. Figuring out how to do it is so difficult.
And yes, your kids are too cute for words. And I've met them, so I'm a good judge.:-)
I have felt the heavy weight of the responsibilities which come from being a parent as well.
For me, it's been easy to follow the counsel from our church leaders to "be fruitful and replenish the earth".
Then suddenly my little babies grew and I realized how large the responsibility really was. These are PEOPLE we're raising here and, to a large extent, who they are and what they are capable of accomplishing has to do with how we raise them.
But, I'm reassured over and over again that all will be well. As I ponder who they're becoming and I realize how they view life, the world, their purpose in living, and the people around them it's all well balanced and I am at peace.
One thing (sorry to keep going) I've had my mind opened up to recently from a talk by Barry Schwartz from TED is that the most important things kids need to learn is CHARACTER.
I completely agree with him.
(I have the video on my most recent post at www.homeschoolsense.blogspot.com)
Your kids are SUPER cute.
And you must have read my mind when you were writing this, and probably a thousand other mommy minds, too. It's so how I feel and I just hope that I'm always open to the inspiration that comes (for the week or month or year or whatever, like you said) and make the right choices for my kids. I think that's going to be easier than getting to the point where they start making most of their choices for themselves. Oh, I can't bare the thought! I want to keep them young forever but I can't wait to see them grow, too. It's so hard.
I love it when you right posts for me. It's like you read my mind sometimes. You are amazing.
Wonderful insight. All I can say is ditto! Parenting is tough, but it pays out in huge dividends. My children give me so much love. They love to pick flowers for me and get me things and cuddle with me. It is the best job in the world and I am so thankful that I can educate them and learn with them. It is the best job in the world. Thanks for your insights and the reminder.
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